You know ... I often wonder if things happen unconsciously for a reason. Like if there's something in the back of your brain that's telling you "You have to do this. Now. There won't be time again." The summer before my aunt was diagnosed, I asked to help with the clam cakes. I'd never helped before but that summer, there was something in me that NEEDED to help her do this. So from start to finish, I watched. How much batter mix went into the bowl. How many cans of clams and how much clam juice. (we never have enough. I've told my grandmother we need at least three cans and she only ever buys two. NEEDS. MORE. CLAMS!)
Anyway, that July, I watched. And I watched her stir the batter into the right consistency. You need it thick, like spackle. And it has to stick. If it's not sticking to the spoon and the bowl, it's not right. It can't be too thin but it can't be too dry, either. I can't explain it, because there's no set recipe. It totally depends on the weather outside. If it's humid, you don't need as much liquid. If it's dry and hot, you need a bit more than normal. It's all by sight and touch.
In October, she was diagnosed. I'll never forget the night we found out. It was the first time I had seen my dad cry. He hung up the phone and kind of just slid, all boneless like, into a dining room chair. His face was white and his green eyes had tears in them. They told us that most ALS patients have about 5-10 years to live - but she had already had symptoms for a lot of years. From the time she was diagnosed, we had three years with her.
ALS, also known as Lou Gherig's Disease, is a horrible, terrible disease. The long and short of it (without getting too technical) is that the nerves basically die, rendering the muscles useless. For my aunt, it started in her legs. Feet problems, I believe it was drop foot that initially had her realizing that something was wrong. It took years for her to get diagnosed. I believe it was almost two (I could be wrong on that, it's been awhile).
Slowly, over the course of the next three years, my aunt became increasingly more paralyzed. She was eventually wheelchair bound and at the end, she couldn't move anything. Not her legs, not her hands, nothing. She passed away in the evening hours of Thursday, November 6, 2003. It was both heart breaking and a blessing. It was so hard to lose her, but at the same time, I knew she was up above us, dancing around and using all those muscles and limbs of hers.
Anyway, I got off on a tangent there, as I tend to do sometimes. The summer after she was diagnosed, I made the clam cakes for the first time under her supervision. She told me she was having trouble stirring and let me do it all. The clam cakes were a success! And from that moment on, I've made the clam cakes every single Fourth of July. It's a bitter sweet task for me. I love doing it. I love that I can make them. There's nothing like scooping batter off of two teaspoons into hot oil and listening to them cook. The whole experience just screams Fourth of July to me.
But it makes me miss her. The kitchen of the house where I currently live, my grandmother's house, is the same kitchen where she taught me how to make them. And every time I'm in there alone on the 4th, mixing the batter and heating the lard to fry them, I always think of her and that last 4th we had together, working to make the clam cakes. So many things have happened since we lost her nine years ago. Her daughter, my aunt, got married. She blessed the family with two gorgeous, amazing kids. I graduated high school and college. My brother joined the Air Force and has since been to both boot camp and tech school.
There are lots of moments throughout the years when I miss her, but nothing makes me miss her like making clam cakes on the Fourth of July. We love you, Auntie Maur, and we miss you terribly. I hope you're having fun wherever you are.
How To Make Clam Cakes!
Step One!
This is what you fry your clam cakes in.
Scoop it out and get it hot while you make your batter.
Step Two!
Melting lard. It really looks gross.
And kind of makes you feel like a fat ass hahah!
Step Three!
Your ingredients! I forgot to take a picture of the batter mix.
We just use a local mix that's for fritters and clam cakes.
Like I said above, you REALLY need at least three cans of clams.
They weren't as clammy this year as I like, so next year, I'll make sure to get three cans.
Step Four!
This is what your batter should look like.
This year it ended up being the two cans of clams (PLUS their juice) and half the bottle of juice.
It's really sticky and when you pull the dough out on spoons, the dough stretches kind of like pizza dough.
Step Five!
Fry the little suckers hahah.
The really cool thing about these is that they cook themselves. Honestly!
When they're done, they flip themselves over. After they flip, give them about two-three minutes.
Then remove them from the lard with a slotted spoon and dry on paper towel!
Step Six!
Dry and serve!
They're so hot when they come out that I just pile them on top of each other on the paper towel.
They keep each other hot without being "burn your mouth" hot.
I personally serve mine with some cocktail sauce and/or dip them in my chowder broth!
I hope everyone had a lovely and relaxing Fourth of July! Here's to the rest of a great summer!
