I am who I am. I can't, won't, and don't need to change that. The people who matter love me despite my flaws and faults. They love me, and appreciate me, for who I am. I don't need to be graceful, because I have people that will pick me up when I fall. I'm not afraid of the lightning because I've already been struck too many times. My past does not define me, but it has shaped me. It's impossible for it not to. I don't believe in living in the past, but I also believe we shouldn't ignore it. Things happen for a reason and as history has taught us, when we don't pay attention to the mistakes we've made, we're bound to repeat them. I've repeated several mistakes and I'm still learning. It's one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. I don't always like myself. There are days when I can't bear my own reflection. When people are snarky or ignore me or have something to say to put me down, it's hard not to believe it because anything anyone can say to me is something I've already said to myself. I'm far more insecure than I let myself show. I don't believe in being weak and I don't trust easily. If you see, and understand, my vulnerabilities and my Achilles heels, you are someone I cherish. You are someone who has earned my love, my loyalty, my respect, and my trust. I'm afraid of letting people in close, afraid for them to drop the ball. Everyone is human, mistakes are bound to happen. I make them. Everyone makes them. But some of the mistakes have left gaping holes in my soul. Holes that have been filled up by certain people, certain things, and others I'm not even sure where to start. I'm not whole and I might not ever be, but I am strong, I am independent, and I know what I deserve and what I don't. At the end of the day, these are the only things that matter. |
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